…That you don’t really see yourself clearly? I think we get caught in our own misconceptions of who we are and what we look like and wind up with this distorted, funhouse mirror version of ourselves in our minds.
For instance, I think I am a short, roughly “thumb-shaped” individual. I feel like my jawline is too sharp, my cheekbones are too weird (not Benedict Cumberbatch weird, but still weird). I am not skinny. I am slowly amassing a collection of gray hairs that are driving me crazy. My eyebrows don’t match (Seriously. One is pointy and the other is round.)
Yesterday I got a lot of compliments that totally went against my pre-conceptions about myself. Someone said that I’m “teeny tiny” in a flattering way. That I looked like I had been dieting. (If we’re calling excess chocolate chip cookies and wine in the last week dieting, then yes, yes I have been.) That I had beautiful, high cheekbones.
None of those compliments are the way I talk to myself. It’s funny how caught up in yourself you can get and not see anything like that. There’s a quote somewhere that says we never really “see” ourselves as we really are — even in selfies and mirrors, we aren’t seeing our true self because it’s backward (or it’s filtered to infinity and beyond). I think that’s true. We spend most of our time looking in the mirror (or at our selfies), critiquing everything. I, for one, am incredibly guilty of this. I’m a perfectionist to the nth degree and anything that throws off my idea of what I or anything should or should not be bothers me. I let it get me down.
Most of the time, if people give me a compliment I think they must be joking or else I feel really nervous because it’s out of my comfort zone. The more I think about it, I’m realizing that as unusual as it is to receive a compliment, it’s even more unusual that I give one to someone else. There are plenty of times at work or when I’m out and about that I see people and like their hair, their shoes, their shirt — but I keep it to myself. Not that I’m going to go chase people down and freak them out by complimenting them, but I think if maybe we were honest more, lifted people up more, the world would be a nicer place to live.
Yesterday was an otherwise uninspiring, Monday but those few comments here and there really made me feel better, made me rethink my ideas of myself, cheekbones and all.
(PS: Hey blog world! Long time no see!)