What happened last night

I wrote my “who knows what I’ll be writing about a year from now” post yesterday and I can already say I didn’t see some things that happened last night coming.

Event #1: The reception

My roommate and I were both invited to the wedding reception for two people we’ve both known forever: we learned to ballroom dance with the bride in our high school Swing Dance Club (One of those “I remember her when she was ‘this tall'” kind of things) and we taught the groom to ballroom dance in our dance club in college (I do not remember him when he was ‘this tall’. He is tall, period.) They are both the nicest people ever and their families are super-nice, etc. Lots of nice and you can’t even hate them for it because it’s genuinely who they are. Anyway, they got married in a small ceremony at Disney in July because the groom is in the Navy and they didn’t have the time to plan a big ceremony. We watched a video of the ceremony, which made me cry because it was so sweet.

Last night was the reception. My roommate is suffering from some extended form of the plague/TB and couldn’t go, so I went solo. Like I said, everyone involved is super-nice, so thankfully it wasn’t awkward. Or at least I managed to control my own social awkwardness. I was seated with a few other dance people I knew and we had a good time.

And I caught the bouquet! Maybe my spinster days are over? Perhaps. This brings me to

Event #2: The blind date

One of my work friends texted me a few days ago when I was in Houston with this: So X is asking me about my single friends

What do you say to that? It was not a question and it really wasn’t a statement either (note the lack of ‘.’ at the end). I stared at my phone for a little while debating how to answer because I wasn’t really sure where it was going. I finally asked her what she told him and she had showed him a picture of me. (Good grief, which one?)

Okay, okay, so she wanted me to hang out on Saturday and I reluctantly agreed. I’ve never been on a blind date and I guess there is a first time for everything. After the reception ended, I joined them at a local bar (aka THE only local bar, which happens to be a hub for everyone I ever went to school with). It was freezing and rainy, so the inside was packed. We got a couple of drinks and braved the cold outside because it was quieter. We all talked for a little while until the inside bar cleared out enough that we could find spots on the couches by the fire (wound up sitting across from a girl who was in my first grade class, just to set the “yes, everyone I ever went to school with ever” scene here.)

Man, blind dates are awkward. You kind of feel like you’re under cross-examination — trying to talk to the person you’re “on a date with” while the third party alternates between staring you down to determine if it looks like you’re hitting it off so they can pat themselves on the back and trying NOT to stare you down to make you feel super awkward. Luckily, the blind date-ee and I got along pretty well and had some things in common (couldn’t read all of Lord of the Rings because it was too detailed, enjoyed slightly off-base humor, and — he dances! Although we talked a lot about dubstep which I don’t really know that much about besides that it sounds like you’re feeding your computer into a shredder. But I digress.)

So it wasn’t bad. We discussed going dancing and exchanged numbers at the end of the night. (Poor guy, I missed the first subtle hint at going out dancing and he had to point-blank ask me again. Oops.) This morning, my friend was doing recon to sniff out what I thought about him and asked me if she had mentioned he lives in Colorado.

D’oh!

Her reasoning is that she figured “If y’all fall in love, you can work it out.” Haha, great, thanks for that tiny oversight. We’ll see what happens.

Anyway. It was a pretty fun night overall. My roomie and I have the exact same circle of friends so it’s rare to go out and do something by myself without a permanent wingwoman by my side. I was proud of myself for going out on a limb and being confident enough to fly solo.

2013: Progress Made, Lessons Learned

It’s already the last Saturday of the year and that means it’s time to take a look back at 2013.

I’m giving this year a 6/10 on the Awesome Scale. 6/10 or 60% isn’t necessarily awesome but it’s passing and that’s what counts, right? (I have never lived by that, BTW. In college, B was pretty much failing, Econ excluded.) Here’s why: Lots of changes, lessons learned and lots and lots of work. Not the worst trip around the sun that I’ve had, but really more of learning year.

Here’s a round up of the Big Things that Happened and Things I’ve Learned this year.

Big Things that Happened: a lot of Big Things Happened.  

1. Got a big-girl job. Highlights: weekends! Downsides: Everything else! Including the fact that I never got to enjoy my weekends because I had so much to do. The Big Girl Job was on my bucket list, but little did I know it meant it would turn into Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.

2. Had a salary for the first time in my life. Yay money!

3. Figured out how to budget. After I bought a lot of clothes. Yay budget! Yay clothes! Downside: Did not budget for hangers. Also did not budget time needed to wash all of these clothes…

4. Went on vacation with my friends to Florida in June. Yay meeting my favorite ballroom dancers! Also realized that I should…

5. Quit my big-girl job (Phew! Being angry is exhausting)

6. Busted my butt and won a dance competition. Yay gold medal!

7. Celebrated my 25th birthday in grand, fabulous, fun, fashion with my favorite people.

8. Had a quarter-life crisis. Or: continued my quarter-life crisis. Who am I/what am I doing with my life/what does it all mean…these questions were on repeat for much of the year.

9. Learned how much I like wine. Heeeey….(also learned that I will fall asleep after two glasses of wine.)

10. Went back to work at my old, old job, now my new job. Did the big girl thing and asked them to hire me as a marketing manager with a salary. Yay money! Started working a lot, but it was much less stressful and much more satisfying. This helped calm some of my quarter-life crisis worries slightly.

11. Went on vacation again with my friends in the mountains in October. Climbed mountains, hiked, relaxed, and enjoyed cold weather for once in my life. Then came home to 80 degree weather. Good ol’ Louisiana fall.

12. Went to my first LSU game as “just a fan.” It was strange — fun but strange.

13. Made my first adult purchase in my life: a new car! On my own! It’s mine! And got to sit in quiet glee as the salesperson told my mom that I have “excellent credit,” thereby putting an end to her belief that student loan repayments do nothing for credit.

14. Am now poor. Such is life.

Lessons Learned: I learned a lot of lessons. I should mention that I am not very good at accepting lessons that I’ve learned. 

1. Learning to accept life. I think I am starting to accept that “it is what it is” instead of wasting so much time being concerned about what “it” is not.

2. Heartbreak. Heartbreak is no fun, but I learned how to be the bigger person (see #5), and how to accept that sometimes, things just happen. And it sucks. And it’s okay that it sucks.

3. Anger doesn’t help solve situations. I got Very Very Angry twice this year, and it was unproductive. Although considering one of those two Very Very Angry moments was about 8:00pm last night, I’m still kind of learning this lesson.

4a. Hard work will get you everywhere and 4b. If you want results, you’ve got to do it yourself. Writing this lesson makes me feel like a life coach, but it is so true: You are the most reliable person in your life and you have to do what’s necessary to get where you want to be.

5. It’s not always good to be sassy. I tend to “shoot first, ask questions later” when it comes to giving my honest opinion. I have never been one to keep quiet on things, and it has gotten me into trouble in the past. This year I’ve learned that sometimes it’s best to just keep my honest (if true) opinions on the inside and just grin and bear it. (Not everyone appreciates the sass, apparently. Oh well.)

6. Playing Secret Santa at work is futile. Seriously, we’ve all worked together for 5+ years. There is no “Secret” anything.

7. Learned to accept (mostly) who I am and who I am not. This was the biggest lesson of all, one that’s been long overdue. It’s far easier to accept yourself, your quirks and idiosyncrasies, than spend time hating them. I wasted a lot of time doing the latter and it’s nice to have some inner peace for once.

With all that I accomplished this year, I’m looking forward to 2014. I like the idea of a clean slate and I’m looking forward to building on the lessons I learned about myself and my little world this year. I think it’s going to be a big year (I’m going for a 10/10 on the Awesome Scale!), and I’m interested to see what I’ll have to write about 365 days from now.

Rough day

I just had a terrible day at work. Customer service at this time of the year is far from a pleasant experience, even when you’re helping people who are friendly and understanding.

And today I had a witch. I can’t even explain the situation, but she was just horrible to me from the get-go — demanding, condescending and even going so far as to throw the words “the customer is always right” in my face. (Not my fault you’re trying to buy something for someone who’s standing right there. Not an excuse to be ridiculously rude.) I didn’t refrain from telling her that her treatment of me was uncalled for, although I was trying not to cry while saying it.

Why are people like this? Why do people think it’s okay to treat people like they are beneath them? “The customer is always right” is a phrase that has always grated on me, because it implies that there is some sort of superiority clause granted to some people on the planet, simply for being a shopper. I’m sorry, if you’re a jerk to someone, even if you’re paying them, you’re not right. You’re just a jerk. I have never, ever thought about treating anyone like this when I’m out shopping. We’re all humans. I think the only thing that’s “right,” during the holidays or on any day, is to be nice to each other.

In addition to the customer’s rudeness, I was also a little hurt by the fact that my manager/pseudo-mom just stood there and let the lady tear me up. A little backup would have been nice. When I was finished wishing the lady a “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year” (even though I would have enjoyed saying something else), I was a mess and kindly asked to leave. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching one of my favorite childhood movies on Netflix, which didn’t do much to make me feel any better. The air has been let out of my Christmas cheer and I am now pretty much done, emotionally and mentally, for the season.

Literarily impaired

I’m pretty sure I’ve been the victim of some sort of literary trauma. A literary lobotomy maybe? I mentioned a few months ago about last year just being the Year I Didn’t Read. According to my Goodreads 2012 bookshelf, I read a whopping 18 books that year. That’s pathetic.

I made a concerted effort to read this year (okay, I tried) and I’ve been frustrated by the results. It’s December and I’ve read 9 books. I can’t believe that’s even possible — the December thing, and the 9 books thing.

I’ve always been the reads-a-new-book-every-3-days kind of girl. But I think I’ve started about 25 books this year that I just never finished. They’re piled up around my room with little ribbons/receipts/dog-ears about 50 pages in. I get bored or I get distracted and by the time I think to go back to them I’ve forgotten the story. And I don’t feel like re-starting.

What do I do? I’m actually writing this because I just finished book #9 of 2013 this morning. I’m sure my roommate is having some sort of fit somewhere because I read it on my Kindle (which she refers to as my “fakebook”). I am in crisis mode. I can’t finish this year having only read 9 books. There are 29 more days — I’ve got to try to read 10 books so I at least do better than I did last year. More importantly, I’ve got to find my love of literature. Apparently it’s been chased down a dark alley or abandoned somewhere, which I feel bad about. The good thing is, I am going to try to save it.

 

Driving Ms. Daisy

Driving Ms. Daisy is the running joke that my friends and I call driving my mom around.

My mom and I don’t really have the best of relationships. That’s actually a gross understatement: we don’t have a relationship at all. We have absolutely nothing in common, and she has been mostly just a background figure in my life for the last 10ish years.

I don’t get her. She doesn’t get me.

The main problem that I’ve always had: she has never been interested in my life. She is not “mom” material, something I’ve always wanted: she was never the type to show up to any performances in high school or college (and there were a LOT), help me sell candy bars or come to mother-daughter luncheons. It was my friends and the family of my friends who did these things for me, something that I am very very very grateful for. But it still bothered me (and always will) that she never took the time to care about me. We got into far too many fights over it that never really succeeded in making her see the light. 

After college, I moved back in with her for about 6 months before I couldn’t stand it and moved out for good. Living apart is the best thing for both of us. We have stilted conversations every few weeks over lunch — mostly just me talking about things and people she doesn’t care about while she sits there in silence. She asks me to go to lunch, and I agree, but they always end in an awkward fashion: me going back to my life and her going back to hers. 

It’s funny, because she is a teacher and she loves her students in a way she has never loved me. I don’t think there’s anything I could do to impress her or make her feel something for me — not become the leader/captain of a hundred teams, or graduate with honors a hundred more times (she would just sigh and ask if that meant she had to sit through another graduation ceremony), not win a hundred more dance competitions. Her students are her pride and joy and I can’t compete with that.

So what about this Driving thing? We have absolutely nothing in common, and one of the biggest things we disagree over is on money. Whenever we do get together she will inevitably pick at something about me — “Is that another new shirt?” or “You’re going on vacation? Money just grows on trees, doesn’t it…” which just drives me nuts. Yes, yes mom, it is a new shirt. I pay all of my bills on time with no help from anyone and occasionally I buy a new shirt because I like it. And after working 51 weeks of the year, yes, yes I am going on vacation.

My mom needs a new car, and she refuses to buy one. It’s not that she doesn’t have the money. She could buy one up front, in cash. The problem is that She. Is. Ridiculous. She refuses to buy necessary items or make necessary repairs, because she is convinced that if she spends her money she is “never going to retire and is going to have to flip burgers for the rest of her life to afford her bills.” (That is the exact reason, verbatim.) Any time I recommend that she buy a new car because hers is not running very well, or buy a new washing machine because hers is broken and she is spending a lot of money going to the sketchy laundromat, or buy a new lock for the front door of her house because the lock gets stuck 90% of the time and she has to walk around to come in the back door instead — she refuses and gives me the “flipping burgers” excuse.

Seriously. Your car is 12 years old. You need a new one because you can’t even drive a mile to work without issues. And if you’re not going to buy a new washing machine, then you definitely need a car so you can drive to the laundromat. (Ridiculous.)

Buy a car, mom. (Her response: “Maybe I’ll just get a rental car.”)

I’ve been Driving Ms. Daisy around this week because she’s been out of school for the Thanksgiving holidays. And I am about to go crazy. We live on the opposite side of town, have completely different schedules and absolutely nothing in common. It’s difficult for me to feel pity for her when I think back to all of the times she didn’t help me out. (There was the time in high school where she just never picked me up and I sat outside waiting until 6pm…not cool.) I am not a bus driver either. I eventually just let her have my car on Thanksgiving afternoon and have been bumming around with my roommate.

Ms. Daisy wants to go to lunch today and I’m sure we’re going to get into an argument when I mention that she needs to get a new car. I’m bracing myself now. Maybe I’ll get her a bus pass for Christmas. Or maybe I’ll just take myself on vacation and let her use my car.

Kindness

Silly? Check.

Honest? Check. Sometimes too much.

Kind? Hmm.

I wouldn’t say that I’ve been an actively kindhearted person my whole life. Not that I’m unkind, but I’ve spent most of my time being preoccupied by other things to actually practice kindness and positive thinking. I’ve been a little too hurt by everything that’s happened to me to really believe that kindness makes a difference. I have friends who are unfailingly positive and kind, no matter what, and I’ve always wished I could be more like them.

Recently, I’ve been making an effort to be positive and kind, to myself first and to others. I’ve finally stopped worrying so much about myself…where I used to be unfailingly self-critical, I’ve been trying to be positive. And it really does make a difference! Just silly things, like putting away my scale, not worrying about what someone is going to think if I wear something I like, not doubting myself and my decisions. In return, I’ve gotten a great sense of peace and happiness.

I’ve been more positive and kind at work, too. Sometimes it’s quite a feat and sometimes it’s just plain exhausting. People who are grumpy and unhappy usually make me want to treat them the same way. But it does make a difference.

One of our regular customers is notoriously difficult to deal with, and we often wonder why she continues to come to us when she seems so unhappy with whatever we offer her. A couple of weeks ago, she called and I answered the phone — she had been in a serious accident and unable to pay for a few things she had put on layaway. She honestly wasn’t very nice to me on the phone, but I decided that I wanted to help her in some way so I wrote her a note and let her know that the rest of her items were taken care of for her by the store (aka I paid off her layaway for her). Everyone thought I was crazy. But it was a nice feeling, to do something for someone, and it wasn’t that much (less than $50).

We got a note in the mail from her yesterday, and she was just shocked, beyond happy and thankful for what we had done and said she couldn’t stop smiling. (She even sent us a picture of her smiling.) What was even better? It made me happy to do it.

 

It’s a foreign feeling. It’s enlightening too. I realized how many opportunities there are to be kind to people, and how it creates ripples that echo on. I made someone happy, and in doing so, I made myself happy.

I could have danced all night

Ever notice that sometimes when you take a break from something you actually get better?

I’ve been so busy lately that dancing has taken a backseat. Things have happened in such a way that I missed two months of dances, the longest stretch I’ve gone without dancing in a long time. This past weekend I finally got back on the floor and I actually danced better than I have in months! Crazy. Even other people noticed — I was more relaxed and easier to lead. What’s funny is that I was convinced that I was just going to crash and burn. Not that two months could undo 10 years of dancing, but I was sure I was going to be a mess.

Isn’t it funny how that happens? In any case, I missed dance and it was great to break that dry spell. I am not one to sit still for too long and I really love dancing. Sometimes taking a break makes you realize just what really is important.

Ebb and flow

I’m not really sure whether being caught in an “ebb” means you’re really busy, or if being in a “flow” means you’re busy. In any case, I’ve been feeling like I’ve just been caught up in the general ebb and flow of everything, and as a consequence time has just gotten away from me. Not that anything especially special has been going on lately. Just a lot of working during the day and spending too much time playing around on my laptop during the evening hours. I wrote up a few posts about what I’ve been up to, but they are still half-finished. I’ll have to come back to them later.

Awhile back, I wrote about how much technology was taking over my life. I made the conscious effort to be aware (at least for one night) and step away for a little while. I turned off my laptop and…I did a lot of stuff. Stuff that needed to be done (laundry, dishes, cleaning…), stuff that I wanted to do (read a book, finish a project that’s been sitting on my counter for a month).

I did twelve different things in 3 hours! Maybe I was just finding stuff to do, but it was eye-opening. I felt much more productive, even if 75% of it was puttering around my apartment doing things I should have been doing anyway.

In light of that recent test, I’m on the hunt for more interesting things to do with myself. I need a new “hobby.” I’d like to find something to do that’s not sitting on my computer all the time or housework, but my city is a little boring. I could finish reading my pile of half-finished books, or finish knitting my half-finished blanket (I am not that much of a slacker…it just happens that I started a blanket without realizing how looooooong it would take. Serious com-knit-ment if you know what I mean). I’m not really sure what to try. Any suggestions?

Busy as a bee

I haven’t posted in the last couple of weeks, but I’m checking in to say that I haven’t forgotten my blog over here!

It’s a busy time of the year and there are a lot of things going on at work and in general. I’ve been doing a lot of napping in my free time instead of post-writing (oops). I’ve got a few posts in the works though about everything going on and they’ll be up here soon.

Until then, hope everyone has a happy Friday and a great weekend!

 

A Week of the Adult Life

I had my share of adult experiences this week.

To start things off I went on my very first business trip on Tuesday. No suits and no briefcases were involved, but I went to another one of our locations about two hours away and had to stay overnight. I’m no stranger to traveling for “work” — In college, we really felt like employees of LSU Athletics when we went on away trips with the band. We got gas money and meal money and lodging paid by the AD — but was an interesting experience nonetheless.

My new job is really a sort of jack-of-all-trades position involving marketing, retail, and some managerial tasks. It’s interesting and I’m much happier than I was at my old job, largely because I’m doing more of what I want to do — or at least doing it how I want to do it. (I’m nothing if not independent.)

But some days it can be really nerve-wracking. It’s hard to figure out where the boundaries are between these responsibilities. Working with people I’ve worked with forever in a different capacity requires a lot thought more than I anticipated. Some people have gotten their feathers ruffled because I’m not “just” this or that, and dealing with it in the correct, adult way can be frustrating. I have to prove myself, I guess. I’m trying, and I’m trying to do the best I can in all aspects of my job, but it’s frustrating. I hate looking back and realizing that I didn’t stand my ground on an issue.

On a lighter note, my other serious adult “experience” this week has been dealing with my general woe over gray hair. I have dark hair…but more and more these days I’m finding little gray hairs here and there. In the grand scheme of things, worrying over gray hair is vain — but I’m really upset about it! My mom started going gray at 18, so I guess I’m lucky that I’ve had an extra 7 years, but I’m still feeling too young, and more than a little self-conscious.

But there’s wine! I am unashamed of my new-found enjoyment of a good glass of wine in the evenings. When I was younger, I never understood why anyone would want to drink this stuff, but it’s now a staple in my refrigerator. Oh Little Em, how wrong you were…and how far you’ve come!

Life lessons with wine. Seems like a good way to wrap up a long week. Hope you’re all having an excellent weekend out there!