(slight paraphrasing of the always wonderful Jason Mraz’s 93 million miles in the title)
Life is so much so much sometimes–so much good and some bad too. This last week has been microcosm of everything, and I’ve felt it all very acutely. I’ve been incandescently happy, excited, confused, upset, angry, tired. It’s just been one of those weeks…and I’m just feeling the gravity of everything right now.
As confident as I want to be on my blog about my life and my hopes and dreams…finding yourself is hard! Someone at work said that as you get older, life gets better because you become more yourself. What she didn’t mention is that “becoming who you really are” is a long, emotional process that requires you to stretch and grow and remold yourself. Which, quite frankly, sucks sometimes.
I hate feeling like a failure at anything, and I hate admitting that I’m self-conscious, confused and unsure–but I am. And how.
I’ve checked a bunch of things off on my list here, but checking them off is only half the battle. Each checkmark represents a big life change, and as exciting as change can be, living with the new reality is not always easy. My life is almost 100% different than it was this time last year…and with everyone else in my life experiencing big changes too, it’s hard to know which way to go. As much as I’m excited about the good things (there’s a boy!), I’m also a little scared (There’s a boy! Oh good grief, how do I do this?). And I’m a little unsure (how do I know that these changes and decisions are right and good?).
I’m so grateful for my friends that are really mommas/sisters to me, because when I’m struggling and it gets too much, they are always listening, always giving advice and reassuring me. Knowing that there are people in your corner no matter what, to laugh with you, cry with you, lift you up and calm you down makes it easier to be brave and keep finding myself.
A very Happy Friendiversary to my bestie, at Hot Shot Mama here on WordPress. We’ve been friends through the good, the bad and everything in between and I can’t imagine getting through any of the crazy without someone to listen, laugh and give good advice. As the card Katy gave me in high school (that I still have) says: “We used to be strangers…now we’re strange friends!” I am very glad to know my strange people–they’re the best.
Emilie Bee 